When the Truth Comes Out

Thursday night, I was baby-sitting Isaac, Grace, Promise, and Joshua. While we were doing kitchen clean-ups, the kids were asking me for "naughty, funny stories." No kidding. So I racked my brain for funny, naughty stories. The ones I remembered had them laughing so hard, Promise, who was still eating, almost choked on her soup.

First, I remembered when Nathan and I were really little. Nathan had just read the passage in the Bible where Jesus is talking about what you do if someone who has sinned doesn't repent. If someone doesn't repent (I'm assuming this would be for a "big" sin), you're supposed to talk to them privately. If that doesn't work, then you involve a couple friends. If that still doesn't work, the pastors are supposed to meet with him. Finally, if the sinner still doesn't repent, he's to be publicly kicked out of the church.

Well, like I said, Nathan had just read that. And I did something to him that made him mad. I don't remember what it was. All I remember was making Nathan hysterical. We were outside and he was following me around because I wouldn't apologize. Then it started. "You need to apologize."

Danielle: "No, I don't!"

Nathan: "You know, if you don't apologize, I'll have to tell Mommy and Daddy."

Danielle: "Then you'd be a tattletale."

Nathan: "But the Bible says I have to."

Danielle: "Yah, right!"

Nathan: "No, really! I read it this morning! And if you still don't apologize with Mommy and Daddy there, then we have to take you to see Pastor Davey. And if you still don't apologize, then he'll have you kicked out of church!"

He was so worked up, he was in tears. He was dead serious.

I don't remember what I said next, but I know I didn't apologize. I also know that Mommy, Daddy, Pastor Davey, and Colonial Baptist Church never knew anything about it! :-D

Another story I told was about when Grace was still being potty-trained. Once, she was sitting on the potty, calling for Mommy to come "wipe her up." I was the only one available. She didn't like that idea. So she yelled and screamed at me and said she wanted Mommy.

So I left her. Yup, I left her stranded on the toilet. I don't remember how long she was there before her little legs got too tired. And. She. Fell. In.

Then I was the one who got in trouble.

End of story.

And of course, the kids thought that one was absolutely hilarious.

Then, it was the kids' turn for stories... They told me different funny, naughty stories I never knew about. Like the time they were all reading Calvin and Hobbes and found the comic where Calvin "takes a bath" in the toilet. You know, when he lifts the lid, climbs in, and flushes. Then he climbs out all sparkly clean. Well, the three little PIGs (Promise, Isaac, and Grace - that's their official nickname) thought that was hilarious - and brilliant. So that night, Grace decided to try it. However, only her feet could fit. So she put her feet in the toilet and flushed... Oh, Grace, you are so...you!